Yes, I am Loved by the Lord

Having attended the SFC Metro Manila Conference last July 23-25, 2010, bihira naman talaga akong matouch nang bonggang-bonggacious sa mga talks, worships, although siyempre, sa ganitong event lang mas nagiging malalim ang prayer ko compared sa regular na worships na meron kami sa aming chapter.

Ang hindi ko lang makalimutan dito ay ang aking experience sa Heart Made to Worship na workshop na inatendan ko. Siyempre, worship workshop ito. Pero to top it all off, di mawawala na may praise and worship. Nung time na ito ay hindi pa ako nakakapagconfess and I admit na mabibigat ang mga naging kasalanan ko sabay umattend ako ng event na ito kaya parang at this moment e hindi ako worthy. Pero nung nasa kalagitnaan na ng worship, napatingin ako sa crucifix na nasa stage. I looked at how the Lord died for us with all compassion and love.

Then when the song Heart of Worship was being played by the band, I saw a vision: a Man dressed in all white, with a crown of thorns on his head, but no blood flows out. Who looked exactly like the one crucified on the cross na nasa stage. He ran to me and embraced me tightly, just how my boyfriend does it when he is very excited to see me. I was struck when I heard him whisper to me something like, "everything will be alright." From that, for the first time, I cried (as in hagulgol ever ang drama ko) sa isang praise and worship session. I can't stop crying for a while.

Kasi that time, what really worries my heart was about my career. All i wanted was to be regularized in my current job. The Lord knew what I was afraid of. The Lord knew the desire of my heart at that very moment. And from there, he comforted me. I could feel his presence and his comforting words. Above all, I could feel His love.

As the worship session goes, everyone was encouraged to pray in tongues. As we were praying in tongues, the band vocalist, a sister, on the left side of my friend, Pabsy, (the one wearing a red shirt and brown jacket that time), was praying in tongues in front of her microphone, which made everyone hear it. Suddenly, I stopped and listened to her. I really cannot understand what she was saying, but in my heart, I was definite that she was speaking in Indian. I could say that because days before the conference, I have seen a video which shows a news in India, with Indian conversations so I knew that the prayer of tongues of the vocalist was close (or may really be) an Indian dialect. Which made me think, did i already receive the gift of interpretation of tongues? Hmm. :)

After the praise and worship session, I felt that I was really at peace and I was excited to have my confession. Thankfully, I was one of the first to receive the sacrament when the priests were stationed in the Garden of Renewal. I was really, really at peace.

Praying over the full time workers during a praise and worship session.

God has again, revealed to me his deep love for me.
He comforted me in that time of my sadness.
He is present.
He is loving us, no matter how grave our sins are.
He lives.
He is just waiting for us to come back Him.

Husbands, love your wives dearly

My BF emailed this passage to me months ago. This is a good read for people who are in a relationship, especially for husbands who have married the woman of their dreams. Enjoy!

When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls.
Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize.
She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.
She obtains wool and flax and makes cloth with skillful hands.
Like merchant ships, she secures her provisions from afar.
She rises while it is still night, and distributes food to her household.
She picks out a field to purchase; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She is girt about with strength, and sturdy are her arms.
She enjoys the success of her dealings; at night her lamp is undimmed.
She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle.
She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy.
She fears not the snow for her household; all her charges are doubly clothed.
She makes her own coverlets; fine linen and purple are her clothing.
Her husband is prominent at the city gates as he sits with the elders of the land.
She makes garments and sells them, and stocks the merchants with belts.
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come.
She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel.
She watches the conduct of her household, and eats not her food in idleness.
Her children rise up and praise her; her husband, too, extols her:
"Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
(Proverbs 31: 10-31)

Pain.. Teardrops..

Noon, hindi ako iyakin. Madalas, naiiyak ako sa mababaw na bagay (tulad nang pag nilipat ni mama yung channel sa TV e paboritong movie ko yung palabas), o kaya kung gusto kong maiyak sa mga emo sessions ng mga retreat na pinupuntahan ko e kelangan ko pa pilitin ang sarili ko na umiyak (yung matagal kang hindi pipikit.. na-try mo na?)

Pero napansin ko, habang tumatagal kami ng bf ko, e bumababaw ang luha ko. Minsan, kaunting emosyon lang, naiiyak na ko. Pag nagagalit siya o kung may hindi kami pagkakaintidihan, naiiyak ako. Pag naiisip ko ang kinahinatnan ko dito sa opisina, naiiyak na ako. Kanina lang habang nagbabasa ako ng isang blog entry e naiiyak na naman ako.

In lighter sense, sabihin na lang din natin na mas madali na rin akong masaktan, physically. Noon, nakagat ako ng pusa and I had to endure 9 shots nung dinala ako sa RITM. Pero nung nakaraang nagkasakit ako, kinailangan din akong turukan ng gamot dahil medyo malala ang sakit ko (tonsilitis at UTI.. naknang.. ayaw naman masyadong magsabay-sabay nung mga bacteria na yun noh?), sumigaw ako nung kinunan ako ng dugo (at nagkapasa din later on), sumigaw ako habang sa skin test pa lang nung gamot, at lalo na nung actual injection na (kahit dapat hindi masyadong masakit ang turok saken kasi sa pwet naman ang site.. pero ewan ko ba..).. pagkatapos ng mga turok na yan, nanghina ako. Hindi ko tuloy lubos maisip kung paano ako nakatagal nung gabing nasa RITM ako.

Balik tayo sa iyakan issue.
Advantageous ba pag mababaw ang luha mo?
Well, siguro. Kasi mas nalalabas mo ang sama ng loob mo.
Naalala ko dati hirap ako kasi parating naiipon lang sa puso ko ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.
Ngayon, mas nagiging ok na ko.
O siguro nahawa na lang ako sa bf ko kasi mas mababaw ang luha nun. Iniiyakan ang mga palabas sa TV at kung ano pang mas mababaw na bagay.
Pero, proud ako para sa kanya kasi hindi siya tulad ng ibang lalake na ayaw magpakita ng emosyon.

Ah basta, kahit ano pa man ang maging issue o kalungkutan, kung talagang iyon lang ang makakatulong, e iiyak mo na lang.
Besides,

crying is healthy. :)

The Law of Programmers

Noong nagsisimula pa lang ako bilang isang programmer, ang dami kong mga tanong like, "Paano ito?" o kaya "Paano ganyan?". Parang hindi ako marunong gumawa ng saril kong diskarte sa isang issue. Doon ko rin nalaman na marami na palang naiinis sa akin at tinatanong ako: "Programmer ka nga ba talaga?!?!?!"

Hanggang sa nalaman ko itong Law of Programmers at nagsimulang nagbago ang lahat. Kaya, gusto kong i-share ito sa inyo. Hindi ko na siguro kailangan pang i-explain pa kasi self-explanatory naman. Kung hindi pa ninyo alam, ewan ko na lang.

1. RTFM = Read That F*cking Manual.
2. Google is your bestfriend
3. Phone a friend.